No More Excuses

I just finished reading the Francine Rivers book "A Voice in the Wind." Since then I have felt so convicted about my own lack of witnessing to others. Why is it that I can speak so freely of my Jesus with my Christian friends, people at church, my family, places where there is no threat of embarassment or ridicule, but in other places or situations, I never say a word, even when given ample opportunity?

Then the other day Jenn sent me a link to a youtube video, where the story of an older man who witnessed to ten people a day was told. I became more convicted throughout the day as I came up with so many different excuses as to why I couldn't do that. What would people say? This isn't a city, it's just a small town...everyone would think I was strange...just because that was the way he felt he should witness, doesn't mean I have to do it that way...I'm busy, I homeschool, have the littles all day...the excuses are plentiful.

I know what the answer is. I am afraid of rejection, afraid of what others will think, do, or say. In Judges 6:12, the angel of the Lord appears to Gideon while he is working in his father's field and says to him, "the Lord is with you, you mighty man of (fearless) courage." Why did he say that? Gideon was beating wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. He doesn't sound mighty or fearless at all! I think God was showing Gideon what he saw in him. He saw what Gideon could be through His power. Gideon didn't know what was going to happen, his faith was small. He asked for a test twice, to make sure this was God's will for him. I can see so much of myself when I read about Gideon. Gideon did make the choice, he overcame his fears. He triumphed for the Lord with his small little army.

When I see myself as small and timid, when I am full of fear, when I question should I speak up or remain silent, I am going to think of Gideon, who was from the poorest clan and was the least in his father's house, yet through him God worked mightily.

I am purposing to let this year be the year that I stop making excuses, stop thinking of myself and just be the woman that God sees, to let Him work his mighty power through me. No matter what task He gives me, even if it is just to be at home with my littles, I am going to do my best to let it be His will, not mine.

New Year's Resolutions?

January 1...The day many people stop and review.... analyzing their life wondering how they can make it better. I have to say I also usually take this day to reflect on the past year and what things I want to be different this coming year. A few things I pray I will focus on this year....

1. Deut 6:5 May I truly and completely love the Lord with all of me!

2. Deut 6:7 May I continue to teach my children of the goodness and truth of the Lord God.

3. II Tim 4:2-5 May I be ready to minister and allow God to give me the boldness to do His work...fulfill my ministry! Jeremiah 20:9--per our conversations, Steph.

4. Jeremiah 15:16 May I continue to love the Word for it so often has sustained me in the time of trial.

5. Deut 4:9 May I diligently keep my soul before Him and not forget all His benefits (Psalms 103:2). May I be reminded continually and also remind my children of these things!

6. Romans 12:1-2 May I present myself to the Lord completely and "be transformed by the renewal of my mind"....and not conform to the world.

7. I Peter 5:7 May I cast all of my anxieties on Him and rest in His forgiveness and love....for I have allowed these anxieties to hinder my walk and my work for Him.

To have reckless abandon for Him not allowing my common sense to get in the way!!

Psalm 103

I love Psalm 103, so much that I committed to memory verses 1-5 a while back. This morning I was reading and meditating on them again, but I decided to attempt memorizing the entire Psalm. Verse 6 says:

"The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed."

The question rose to my mind "Do I really believe that?" Consider the suffering inhabitants of the world that are dying in starvation, disease and oppression. The suffering is overwhelming to me. Elizabeth Smart didn't ask to be abducted by that polygamist nut-case while sleeping soundly in her bed one night. My son didn't ask to get cancer at age 2. My sister didn't ask to be held down in scalding water when she was 3 and bear the messy scars on her legs to this day. And it's the age-old question, isn't it, 'If God loves the world, then why is there so much suffering?' Well, I don't know. I just don't know. I understand the root of it is sin, but the flowering symptoms of this diseased plant are so awful I can't bear to think about them.

Sharon, my Godly friend, always challenges me to read the Word, believe the Word and to walk in the Word, even if I've never seen some of the things I read about. So that is the grid through which I read verse 6 this morning. I have to read this verse, believe it and walk in it, even if I haven't seen it with my own eyes. I must trust that God WILL work righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed, either in this life or the next. If I disbelieve or disobey this, then I am disbelieving and disobeying God himself.

God, help me believe!

Oh, crappy day, crappy day...

Not quite a song, but it's how I feel tonight. I have had the strangest of days, feeling kinda lonely, though I've been surrounded by people all day. How is that? The weather was gloriously sunny and warm, very crisp and clear. Those 2 things combined usually make my heart leap with joy. Okay, yes, admittedly, my quiet time was weak sauce, spent time looking at stuff about scripture, but not really feeding off the Word itself. Maybe that's it, maybe I'm just hungry.

The Cost of Discipleship

Recently in my sunday school class I was telling about the horrible feeling that comes over me as I drive to the Brenau campus and eventually have get out of my car. Many of the students there are determined to believe that I am a homo-phobe and bigot because I was firm with a so-called believer for living in homosexuality. Many are disgusted with me and I know it. I can see it in their faces when I'm around campus. I was being brutally honest and vulnerable in that admission.

The room sympathized with me and began asking questions... they clearly did NOT want me to feel badly or threatened in any way. After all, this is America! I understood that and it was sweet. But then I got all choked up with tears as I quietly, but firmly told them it was worth it. If I suffer for the Name IT IS WORTH IT! What an honor! Some people live their whole lives and never suffer for the cause of Christ and the scorn and ridicule that accompanies this faith. The perplexed, stunned looks I got were priceless. You would've thought I had 3 heads!

I am honored to be in the company of true believers who are willing to suffer for their faith. No, none of us are suffering to the point of shedding blood, but maybe we can work up to it, huh? I'm watching Missy and Angelo charge ahead for Christ in the midst of financial devastation. I'm watching Stacey do what she hates by staying home to take care of her home in obedience to God to respect her husband. I'm watching Linda stand firm in her commitment to marriage while her husband lives another life with another woman. I'm watching Jenn step up and offer alternative thinking to evolution to her students in biology class. And I'm getting a front row seat to watch God bless their obedience with lives being changed! They are making their bodies a living sacrifice... Praise God for faithful warriors!

Missy gave me a lead on this 39 year-old guy who was hung in 1945 at the hands of German soldiers at a concentration camp because of his faith. He wrote "The Cost of Discipleship" and you can find some excerpts of his writing here:

http://www.crossroad.to/Persecution/Bonhoffer.html#1

His name is Dietrich Bonhoffer. It's impossible to stay in a bad mood after reading some of his thoughts. I know this because I was in a bad mood but that changed immediately!

It just doesn't matter...

There's this perception that if you grow up in a family where the parents remain married, they take you to church, shield you from the worldliness of the world, never abuse you and care for all your basic needs - that you will be fine. Conversely, if you grow up in a home or homes where you are neglected or abused and never taken to the church building - you will grow up to be dysfunctional. But there is no perfect flow chart. God will do what God will do. He will have mercy on whomever He chooses. This is a great mystery to me.

Holy Shame Leads Us to Repentance

Watson continues to expound on the virtues of Repentance when he points out...

4) We must have SHAME for our sin.  This is definately not a modern idea.  At all costs we are taught to avoid feeling shame for anything we do.  Shame acts like a gauge to point us to Repentance.  Look again to scripture and how Watson expounds this point...(Ez. 43:10)

 a) Every sin we commit makes us guilty, and guilt usually breeds shame.  Until Adam sinned, he was not ashamed to be naked. 

 b) In every sin there is much unthankfulness, we have sinned against God when all He's given us are blessings and mercy. (Isaiah 1:2)

 c) Sin has made us naked & deformed in God's eye, stripping us of our cover of holiness.

 d) My sin put Christ to shame, He bore it all through the humility of the suffering of the cross.  

 e) Many of my sins are in league with Satan, a cause for shame.  He often stirs my passions.

 f) Sin turns men into beasts. (Ps. 49:12, Luke 13:32, Matt. 7:15, Job 11:12) God's image is defaced, reason is eclipsed, conscience stupified, a reason for shame.

 g) In all sin is folly. (Jer. 4:22, Prov. 14:18) Is not he a fool who labors more for the bread that perishes than for the bread of life? Or he that will believe a temptation before a promise?

 h) We should have shame, for the sin we commit is worse than the sins of a Heathen.  We act against more light, & against a clearer conviction because we have the oracles of God.

 i) My sin is worse than the sins of devils.  I should be filled with shame because I have examples to learn from; when they sinned, they were instantly damned.

 

  When you first read through this, how does it hit you?  I was agreeing with each point & at the same time realizing how often I try to set aside any feelings of shame.  To know God is to know He is full of GRACE, but to dive into the depths of this Grace, we must plummet to the depths of our sin & shame to know how much we need to be saved from.  Otherwise, we stay splashing around in the shallow puddles of grace with very little power or freedom.   

  Father, may we feel the conviction of Holy Shame & REPENT.